Thursday, February 24, 2011

I remember

As I strolled down memory lane, I remember you

I remember the time when I could call you my own. It was the sweetest words I knew under all the circumstances. All those family problems and loneliness I could ignore because I had you. Every time I heard your voice, I felt joy and happiness. It had been a long time since I experienced that feelings. We were apart but our trust held us together. Distance was a factor but every time I saw you via cam, I would smile. You were the best I had and I was absolutely thankful for that.

Then came the day I went to see you face-to-face. I sat anxiously on the plane, waiting for it to land. You were frantically searching for the right airport to wait for me. Thank God the plane delayed because you arrived just in time. I saw you outside of the terminal, searching around for my presence. Without hesitation, I ran towards you as I dragged my luggage. The moment was picture perfect.

We laughed. We cried. We argued. We reconciled for the next few days. Then I had to go back to go the dreaded place but we knew we would be strong. Passed the guards, I couldn't hold it back for I couldn't feel your touch any longer. Tears dropped. It was the first time I felt hurt for you remained here and I had to go.

Then came again the time I visited you. But our love was inhibited by external forces. I endured till the moment I could hold your hands again. Sadly, I broke your heart. Our trust broke. You left. I tried to chase you back. Yet, I was left alone to cry in the dark. Whatever I believed in all fell apart. We were apart once again - for real.

As I poured my feelings out into this post, I realized I am a changed person now. Whether for the best or worst, I'm not sure. I don't know when will I feel that particular moment again. When you awaited in the airport for my arrival and we embraced for the first time, regardless of who were watching us. Guessed some parts of me still dwell in that moment. Looping until the day I die. A pain I need to endure everyday.

What I have for you now is neutral. Because I hurt you, you hurt me. Again, I apologized for what I did. Sometimes, I wondered what would happen if I didn't commit the mistake that changed our lives.

This is a crude video. I am a lousy cameraman. I laugh at it all the time. Even if you did hurt me excruciatingly, you were my best love ever. I wouldn't change it for anything.

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