I Love You

I LOVE YOU!!!

I used to think that I know the meanings of this statement. Now, I start to realize the ugly truth. It has come to my acknowledgement that...I don't think I have experienced true love before~

Why am I emo all of the sudden?

Well, not to say I'm emo, just that I have been thinking alot. This morning in class, my friend was using his laptop and I noticed a note attached to his screen. It was written by his girlfriend. As disturbing it was to a gay guy like me, it was still romantic. Instead of smiling at the sweetness if the msg...I found myself wallowing in my sorrow.

Believe me, I was totally jealous at the same time. It's not as if my ex didn't do something like that. It's the fact that the love didn't last. I have 4 exes in total. My first was a religious hypocrite. My second was a LDR and I couldn't stand the distance anymore. My third was another LDR which was featured in my other post (go read it, it's super complicated). My fourth...well, sorry to say, you cheated on me =_= (I have no option but to let you go)

And whenever either one of them say the three motherfucking words, I thought it would last. Cuz to me, you don't just simply say those words for nothing. When you said it, you have to mean it. I admit that I used to say it to random ppl because I was feeling high or I find them worth looking at. Nowadays, I try to avoid using those words unless I really meant it.

All the couples around me, both straight and PLU, keep bringing up reminiscent events of my past. Regardless of their relationship authenticity, I still yearn for a shoulder to lean on when I'm depressed (like now) and stuff my face onto his coat when I'm watching something like Paranormal Activity 2 (btw, thanks for giving me the trauma...grrrr. U know who you are)

Anyway, I wish I can be as happy as my straight couple friends right now. Though their googly moments get annoying most of the time, they have gone the months without any arguments except for the minor bickering.

However, I know what I have to sacrifice when I'm attached and until I'm ready, I need to endure this for a bit longer. I ain't giving up on my dreams again but if there's anyone out there who don't mind me hugging them just to know I ain't alone, come find me XD

Anyone hotline to Cupid?lolx